ordinaryness crushes me sometimes.

everydayness a weight heavier and sadder than any tragic ending.

moments when i can't see or feel.

worse than death.

i don't want to live my life unknowingly, i want to see and feel always, alive to the beauty in every thing.

but there are always moments of oblivion. i'm so afraid of them. must they be inevitable?

i've been reading too many novels; i want to have a great love affair.

tonight everything is beautiful, the lights of the cars on the highway, the shape of the lines, on the road and outlining buildings. a tightness in my chest, a catch of breath in my throat. alive and awake to it all tonight. overflowing with the reality of it all.

cloudy paling orange over a horizon above a city anywhere.

i love these cool, slightly foggy, humid nights.

happy may day!