well, i'm not too good at keeping up with regular promised messages it seems. though since i only have myself to disappoint here, i suppose it doesn't really matter much. today i felt very few things. tonight the crescent moon reminded me of a glass slipper. i'm thinking of dying my hair red, but i worry it will clash with my skintone. plus it took so long to grow out my natural medium brown to this length; such a dilemma. the world makes me sad more often than i wish it did. but when i think about the things out there, i feel guilty that i'm not consumed by sadness all the time. to be honest, sometimes i am. sometimes i can't get beyond it. so overwhelmed by it that i can't function at all, to try to change things as i should.

this poor neglected blog. i seem to only remember it when i want to remember some beautiful thing that i've seen. though that's not really true exactly. maybe that, combined with the restless heightened mood that makes me stay up all night sometimes. the other beautiful things, on other nights, i don't remember them for the most part. i really should make more of an effort to write here regularly. even just about my everydays maybe. maybe if i'm in the habit of it i won't lose so many memories of lovelinesses that happen throughout the day. last night for example, a woman in the waiting room tapping her shoe over and over. a buckle on the side moving slightly with each downward movement; a little loose. i couldn't take my eyes off it. i kept imagining it loosening more and more each time, barely but perceptibly so. it must be, under such a near forced march. any moment it would certainly fall. riveted almost as much by the crisis that did not unfold at each moment, as by the action itself. time passed as it does in waiting rooms. and she stood and left the room, clicking shoeheels the only sound, echoing down the hall.